This morning is soggy. I think Jeni forgot to put Copper, the horse, in so it is good that it is not too cold out. It may not be pleasant to be wet, but she should survive just fine.
Grandma was up very early this morning and wanted to use the bathroom. So after taking care of business and putting her back to bed I sent the midnight shift back to bed. (Matt and Merry)
I woke up comfortably and peacefully in the lazyboy watching TV. It was nice.
Slowly during these past few days I am starting to adjust to the fact that very soon I will no longer have all the pressure and responsibility I have carried for the last year and a half. At first I was just looking forward to the relief. I still am, but I am also beginning to really feel and understand how different it will be.
Will I be lost? No. We already miss Lee and his trolling and patrolling around here, but Adele is a little different. The disease has really taken it's toll on her and the good days with her were many years ago.
When someone dies in decline and late in life, you have plenty of time to work through things and make peace with their death.
They were both very loved and will be missed, but passing on sets them free.
No, I will not be lost.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The End is in Sight
Today didn't start out so well for Grandma. She woke up and was unable to assist herself in transporting to the wheelchair and then on to the bathroom. Consequently she ended up having to consciously go to the bathroom in her Depend. I was doing the banking when all this happened. Consequently she was pretty grouchy when I walked in the door. She was also pretty incoherent which has been going on all week.
We managed to get her Depend changed and muddled our way through lunch. I put her down for a nap early because she was so lethargic and incoherent.
The LPN arrived and went in to do her check. For the first time, Adele did not spring into animation upon being touched. This is a huge sign. There have been many small changes throughout the last couple of weeks, but until this happened today with the nurse I would have had to stay skeptical that we were still really struggling.
While I am not ready yet to say that her passing is immanent, I will say that the end is in sight. There has been some progress in the spiritual area or with the other side. Not as much as would make this a very peaceful beautiful experience, but there is some progress, nevertheless.
I will be there to assist until the last breath. Then I will breathe a sigh of relief that all is complete.
We managed to get her Depend changed and muddled our way through lunch. I put her down for a nap early because she was so lethargic and incoherent.
The LPN arrived and went in to do her check. For the first time, Adele did not spring into animation upon being touched. This is a huge sign. There have been many small changes throughout the last couple of weeks, but until this happened today with the nurse I would have had to stay skeptical that we were still really struggling.
While I am not ready yet to say that her passing is immanent, I will say that the end is in sight. There has been some progress in the spiritual area or with the other side. Not as much as would make this a very peaceful beautiful experience, but there is some progress, nevertheless.
I will be there to assist until the last breath. Then I will breathe a sigh of relief that all is complete.
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Rest of the Kalinowski's Lives
Just a quick update on everybody. Grandpa and Grandma have really monopolized the blog for several months.
Matt: Still working hard. Things are pretty settled at GM for now. We just say our prayers and cross our fingers and hope for the best. So far so good. Matt is still riding his motorcycle due to the mild fall.
Me: Mostly grumbling and grouching and dealing with Grandma. Every day is a new journey with huge adjustments and changes. People ask regularly what I will do when this difficult journey is done. I have no problem answering. 1. Sleep. 2. Enjoy having control of my time once again. 3. Pick up the rest of my life where I left off! And you can bet I will enjoy every second of it!
Merry: Really enjoying life. She is busy with school, her business and friends. This year she is on the student government with Mott and will be heading off to Washington DC in November. She is president of the infamous Travel Club this year and due to all the hard work last year, they are finding they have the money for Hawaii this spring.
Jeni: She just finished her internship with Fox 66 and is enjoying a slightly slower pace this fall. She is still finishing up classes even though she is technically graduated. She is very proud of her tumbling class as several of the students are getting very good! She will be going to Hawaii also. She and Kyle are still a couple. This makes over 2 years for them.
Rakieta: Beginning her 3rd year of sewing school. We have enough payment in for her prosthetic for them to begin measurements for her new one. Her father has decided to forgive Rakieta's sisters for choosing men who he did not want. This is a big deal as now the family is reunited once again.
Delilah: I think she is in Togo. There have been several phone calls from there, but no messages and I am just to busy with the old folks to tackle any new problems. I do plan to call to see what is up as soon as I get a breath.
Stephanie: Is living with her aunt and Uncle and things are going pretty good. Rakieta keeps up with her for me right now.
Horses: Loving being ridden so much. We love it too.
Chickens: growing, growing growing! I will have the coolest babies next time around!
Just Dance: Wonderful families and wonderful morale this year! It is going to be a good year!
Matt: Still working hard. Things are pretty settled at GM for now. We just say our prayers and cross our fingers and hope for the best. So far so good. Matt is still riding his motorcycle due to the mild fall.
Me: Mostly grumbling and grouching and dealing with Grandma. Every day is a new journey with huge adjustments and changes. People ask regularly what I will do when this difficult journey is done. I have no problem answering. 1. Sleep. 2. Enjoy having control of my time once again. 3. Pick up the rest of my life where I left off! And you can bet I will enjoy every second of it!
Merry: Really enjoying life. She is busy with school, her business and friends. This year she is on the student government with Mott and will be heading off to Washington DC in November. She is president of the infamous Travel Club this year and due to all the hard work last year, they are finding they have the money for Hawaii this spring.
Jeni: She just finished her internship with Fox 66 and is enjoying a slightly slower pace this fall. She is still finishing up classes even though she is technically graduated. She is very proud of her tumbling class as several of the students are getting very good! She will be going to Hawaii also. She and Kyle are still a couple. This makes over 2 years for them.
Rakieta: Beginning her 3rd year of sewing school. We have enough payment in for her prosthetic for them to begin measurements for her new one. Her father has decided to forgive Rakieta's sisters for choosing men who he did not want. This is a big deal as now the family is reunited once again.
Delilah: I think she is in Togo. There have been several phone calls from there, but no messages and I am just to busy with the old folks to tackle any new problems. I do plan to call to see what is up as soon as I get a breath.
Stephanie: Is living with her aunt and Uncle and things are going pretty good. Rakieta keeps up with her for me right now.
Horses: Loving being ridden so much. We love it too.
Chickens: growing, growing growing! I will have the coolest babies next time around!
Just Dance: Wonderful families and wonderful morale this year! It is going to be a good year!
Plugging Along
I have refrained from posting this last week for 2 reasons.
1. I wanted those who wanted to read Grandpa's obituary to not have to wade through several posts to find the one on Grandpa.
2. Grandma has managed to keep all 4 of us continually moving.
We allowed it for several days as we tried to assess how Grandpa's passing would affect Grandma. But as we began to see patterns and were able to figure things out, we have had to make several changes. Tonight the changes seem to be successful. But it has been a hell of a week. Grandma is aware on some level that Lee is gone. BUT, she is mostly mad at him and sometimes she flat out forgets he is gone. Mostly, everything is about her, just as it was before he passed. We allowed her demanding and needy behavior for several days because we didn't want her to come totally unglued, but eventually it was clear she really doesn't care.
She is in terminal restlessness for sure, BUT it has been going on for weeks and she is on a heavy duty does of meds as it is. So, then you have to go back to her spiritual issues.
Guess what??? Still no progress there. As far as I know, there is no deep, dark secret in her background. All this drama is based on spoiled, stubbornness.
This week I have gradually upped What we call the "BUTT KICKER" to 2 pills 4 times each day. That is allowing her to focus and to enjoy tv once again. Otherwise, she is trying to be in motion constantly and isn't happy to keep herself occupied at all. She is insistent that someone be with her at all times and she will not be gracious and do things like share the tv or accept that you have to make dinner.
Last night, because I was getting low on pills, I had given her one dose during the middle of the day instead of 2. By 6pm, she was insisting there was a conspiracy against her and trying to push her own wheel chair. So I was down at the drug store upon opening to pick up the meds this morning. She has had the proper dosages all day and for the moment things are going well.
We shall see how tomorrow goes.
Her body is growing tired. However, I am bracing for a long, rough end. Something is very wrong in this situation and no one can fix this but her. She shows absolutely no signs of working through things.
While Matt and I do not want to have to accept this. It is the reality and unless something major happens, it will just continue to be Hell.
So to get our sanity back, we have done what we can to regain control of the situation. Removing custody of the remote control from her has helped a lot. Insisting she doesn't get to control what lights are on, what shows are watched and when she is going to the bathroom (by the half hour) at all times is helping. Tonight I am going to sleep in her bed in her room which she refuses to sleep in and keep the baby monitor on. She will stay in her chair in the living room. I am sure she will not like it one bit, but it will probably help my mental health a lot.
She is not releasing and preparing to move on. So, it will have to be up to us to do it.
1. I wanted those who wanted to read Grandpa's obituary to not have to wade through several posts to find the one on Grandpa.
2. Grandma has managed to keep all 4 of us continually moving.
We allowed it for several days as we tried to assess how Grandpa's passing would affect Grandma. But as we began to see patterns and were able to figure things out, we have had to make several changes. Tonight the changes seem to be successful. But it has been a hell of a week. Grandma is aware on some level that Lee is gone. BUT, she is mostly mad at him and sometimes she flat out forgets he is gone. Mostly, everything is about her, just as it was before he passed. We allowed her demanding and needy behavior for several days because we didn't want her to come totally unglued, but eventually it was clear she really doesn't care.
She is in terminal restlessness for sure, BUT it has been going on for weeks and she is on a heavy duty does of meds as it is. So, then you have to go back to her spiritual issues.
Guess what??? Still no progress there. As far as I know, there is no deep, dark secret in her background. All this drama is based on spoiled, stubbornness.
This week I have gradually upped What we call the "BUTT KICKER" to 2 pills 4 times each day. That is allowing her to focus and to enjoy tv once again. Otherwise, she is trying to be in motion constantly and isn't happy to keep herself occupied at all. She is insistent that someone be with her at all times and she will not be gracious and do things like share the tv or accept that you have to make dinner.
Last night, because I was getting low on pills, I had given her one dose during the middle of the day instead of 2. By 6pm, she was insisting there was a conspiracy against her and trying to push her own wheel chair. So I was down at the drug store upon opening to pick up the meds this morning. She has had the proper dosages all day and for the moment things are going well.
We shall see how tomorrow goes.
Her body is growing tired. However, I am bracing for a long, rough end. Something is very wrong in this situation and no one can fix this but her. She shows absolutely no signs of working through things.
While Matt and I do not want to have to accept this. It is the reality and unless something major happens, it will just continue to be Hell.
So to get our sanity back, we have done what we can to regain control of the situation. Removing custody of the remote control from her has helped a lot. Insisting she doesn't get to control what lights are on, what shows are watched and when she is going to the bathroom (by the half hour) at all times is helping. Tonight I am going to sleep in her bed in her room which she refuses to sleep in and keep the baby monitor on. She will stay in her chair in the living room. I am sure she will not like it one bit, but it will probably help my mental health a lot.
She is not releasing and preparing to move on. So, it will have to be up to us to do it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Leo Edward Kalinowski
Leo Edward Kalinowski was born on November 5, 1920 in Detroit, Mi to Adalbert and Victoria Kalinowski. He was the youngest of 4 children. His father died while he was very young and eventually his mother did remarry. I believe his mother was an immigrant. Leo's parents were from Poland. Much of the family settled in the Detroit area. They were hard working people who all understood farming. In fact Leo's Aunt Mary bought a large farm several miles from the Detroit neighborhood where he grew up. Pictures show a family who loved to work and laugh and who probably had a good sense of humor.Leo joined the Navy in 1942 and was discharged in December 1945. He married his childhood sweetheart in November 1945. They lived in Detroit until 1964 when they moved to Warren. They had one son, Matthew, who was born in May, 1962. Leo retired from Chrysler Corp. in 1982 with full benefits. At that time they began a road trip that lasted several months and they traveled throughout the US. Eventually they settled on Zephyr Hills, Fla as a winter home and in 1986, when Matthew and Cyndy, his future daughter in law bought their own house, they sold the Warren home to live in Rose Lake, where they had a cottage, in the warm months and Florida in the cold months. They were able to continue this life style until 2006, when health forced them to move to Imlay City to be close to Matt, Cyndy and his 2 granddaughters, Merry and Jeni. Last October, further health problems found Leo and Adele living in Matt and Cyndy's big farm house with the family, the cats, dog and the dancers who visit the home several times each week. The learned to really enjoy all the noise and people and made many new friends.
Leo was an avid golfer who was able to golf until this summer. We were very glad about this as it brought him so much happiness. Leo also loved to travel and in their younger years, he and Adele did everything from their road trip to a cruise or 2 and even many trips to Vegas.
Leo was a very artistic person who made furniture, carved beautiful carvings and even did a few portraits.
Leo really lived a full life, free from health problems until the end and was a charming, funny man. At the end of his life he was quite a character who made us all smile daily.
Leo died October 18, 2009 at home with his family with no suffering.
Leo will be missed very much by all. We love you Grandpa!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Stardate 10/16/09
I am sitting here at the crack of dawn, actually it is 8:00am, but it feels like the crack of dawn, writing my post live. I can't begin to describe how good it feels to be back online again. Whether the internet is part of the devil's tool shop or not, most Americans are lost without it. Most Africans who have mastered it, find it a very helpful part of life too. I think it is one of those revolutionary things like the automobile and penicillin.
This morning I was rousted out of bed by big noises downstairs and Merry flying up the stairs to tell me Grandpa was up, crazy, in Grandma's clothes and was trying to go home. I came down and looked on the couch where he had collapsed and sure enough, he was dressed in Grandma's clothes and her winter coat and his baseball cap. He wasn't in much shape to go anywhere as he was breathing so laboriously. He was in really rough shape yesterday so I said "He might be trying to die." I am still waiting to see if that is what is up. He hasn't had a REALLY crazy spell in a long time, but yesterday I was sure we had numbered days left. However, he has had a fooled several times. We will think for sure that "this is it", then he will sleep hard and then he rises out of the ashes and he's his old self again.
Stop.
Start.
He is officially out of the ashes. Clothes are now changed. He is shaking way to much for comfort and is slurring, but he is wolfing down his 2nd bowl of cereal so I would say we are ok for now. In the meantime Grandma woke up and she needed to go to the bathroom....now!
Dealing with 2 dementia driven, late geriatric patients is quite a ballet dance sometimes. The difference between them and children is that the order is reversed. The milestones are not in achievements, but are in lost capabilities. Being able to accept that without anger, fear, frustration or being weirded out too much takes some skill. With my Granny, I just learned to separate myself from being attached to the person who I knew as a much younger, stronger woman. The trick is to understand what you are dealing with and not apply normal rules of rational to the person. If you allow yourself to be too emotional, you will lose it. The other huge difference between children and geriatric adults is that the egos are much larger in the old folks and learning to deal with that so confrontations are minimal is a skill all of it's own that can not be described. You just have to experiment and you learn through trial and error. Let me tell you, being on the receiving end of a dementia tyrade is pretty big incentive for finding non confrontational ways to deal with situations.
Eventually I will post a list of the meds we are using and how well they worked. I can tell you confidently that without the meds and without my adult daughters working part time, Matt and I would have had to give up because the work is just too hard and demanding.
Another thing that is a Godsend and something I never see in the traditional places like nursing homes are children's jigsaw puzzles. Lee likes the floor puzzles because the pieces are large enough for his arthritic fingers and his poor eye sight. 24-48 pieces are just about right because it can be done in 30 minutes to an hour. When we weren't on death's door and the memory was better, Trouble and Uno were big favorites. Now we are too far along for that, but in the early days we used them a lot.
Well I am going to end this post for today. It is now 12:30 and I am just finishing it. It is one of those days!
This morning I was rousted out of bed by big noises downstairs and Merry flying up the stairs to tell me Grandpa was up, crazy, in Grandma's clothes and was trying to go home. I came down and looked on the couch where he had collapsed and sure enough, he was dressed in Grandma's clothes and her winter coat and his baseball cap. He wasn't in much shape to go anywhere as he was breathing so laboriously. He was in really rough shape yesterday so I said "He might be trying to die." I am still waiting to see if that is what is up. He hasn't had a REALLY crazy spell in a long time, but yesterday I was sure we had numbered days left. However, he has had a fooled several times. We will think for sure that "this is it", then he will sleep hard and then he rises out of the ashes and he's his old self again.
Stop.
Start.
He is officially out of the ashes. Clothes are now changed. He is shaking way to much for comfort and is slurring, but he is wolfing down his 2nd bowl of cereal so I would say we are ok for now. In the meantime Grandma woke up and she needed to go to the bathroom....now!
Dealing with 2 dementia driven, late geriatric patients is quite a ballet dance sometimes. The difference between them and children is that the order is reversed. The milestones are not in achievements, but are in lost capabilities. Being able to accept that without anger, fear, frustration or being weirded out too much takes some skill. With my Granny, I just learned to separate myself from being attached to the person who I knew as a much younger, stronger woman. The trick is to understand what you are dealing with and not apply normal rules of rational to the person. If you allow yourself to be too emotional, you will lose it. The other huge difference between children and geriatric adults is that the egos are much larger in the old folks and learning to deal with that so confrontations are minimal is a skill all of it's own that can not be described. You just have to experiment and you learn through trial and error. Let me tell you, being on the receiving end of a dementia tyrade is pretty big incentive for finding non confrontational ways to deal with situations.
Eventually I will post a list of the meds we are using and how well they worked. I can tell you confidently that without the meds and without my adult daughters working part time, Matt and I would have had to give up because the work is just too hard and demanding.
Another thing that is a Godsend and something I never see in the traditional places like nursing homes are children's jigsaw puzzles. Lee likes the floor puzzles because the pieces are large enough for his arthritic fingers and his poor eye sight. 24-48 pieces are just about right because it can be done in 30 minutes to an hour. When we weren't on death's door and the memory was better, Trouble and Uno were big favorites. Now we are too far along for that, but in the early days we used them a lot.
Well I am going to end this post for today. It is now 12:30 and I am just finishing it. It is one of those days!
Are You Smarter Than a 5th grader?
What a refreshing surprise! I am now pretty much captive and by Grandma’s side all the time now. One of the Nurse aids had an epiphany and stated that my dear mother-in-law may be terrified of going to sleep because if she does she won’t wake up and that is the reason for all the frenzied anxiety and movement that has been going on for the better part of a month. I think the aid is dead on. There is so little evidence of any spiritual homework still so I am just guessing that it will all be done on the other side and she is just postponing it as long as possible. Luckily, her body is beginning to take over and sooner or later she will have no choice but to move on.
So to keep her from being Ursula the Sea Witch on too much sugar, I have resigned myself to babysitting Grandma. She accepts the girls and Matt ok, but seems to do the best with me. I assume it is because I am the true caregiver and have a good pulse on both her body and mental abilities and she must get some solace somehow. Don’t even ask what happens when I bring in an outsider to keep an eye on things. At this point, for everyone’s sanity, she gets me.
So, now instead of watching the desk and visiting with moms I am watching tv with Grandma in the evening. She likes the dance shows best, but will accept “Are you smarter than a 5th grader?” Well, I was literally shocked at what a nice show that is! What, no filth? No disrespectful sarcasm, no swearing, This is network tv. What is going on here? Oh, wait a minute. This is channel 20. Years ago it was the channel that carried all the reruns, then it was WB. Now it is something else, but I have to tell you I was very IMPRESSED! I guess our society has not completely gone to the dogs yet. There is still hope.
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